if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
