maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
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Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
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He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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