Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
