Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
