Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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