Girls should come with a carfax report
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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