I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
