That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Randomize
