They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
