I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
