I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
