Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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