I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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