I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Is it because I queefed?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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