I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
