im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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