Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
it glows. i had to have it.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
