I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
