Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
