I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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