I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You were trust falling into bushes
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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