This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
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I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
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I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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