True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
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No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
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Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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