Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
My nipple is on Facebook.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
