Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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