So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
