Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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