You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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