I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
