All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
