I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
