Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds