I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
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I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
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She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!