I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?