shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
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The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
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I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Damn victory sex feels great
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?