Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
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Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
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Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.