New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm passing your future prison.
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Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
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We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases