I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall