Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet