she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Randomize
