Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Randomize