If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
