Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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