Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
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I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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