Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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