my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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