I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
