just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Text me some of your sweat
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
