So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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