ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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