Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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