well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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