She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
