I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
