Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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