I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
