I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
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That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
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He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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