just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
