I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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