sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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