dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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