the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
