my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
