So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize