I didn't shave. On purpose
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
