i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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