Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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