someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
