We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
