You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
