he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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