last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
