i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
