id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I am never drinking with the goths again.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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